Laura Naomi
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Soulful Living

October Feature

11/1/2019

6 Comments

 
Picture
Arcadia National Park, Maine

The Wolves Within

Lately, life has brought me a series of experiences to bring me back to Earth, to remind me of my humanness. I have experienced this several times over the years; more recently this humanness has carried feelings of exhilaration and raw vulnerability. I experienced extremes of emotion at the same time, both within myself and witnessed it within others - great beauty and connection within suffering and disconnection; empowerment in the inner struggles of not being enough; a strange sense of inclusion within the internal conflict of separation and judgment; the incredible joy of success, while deep insecurities lie just beneath the surface, and an intriguing relationship between compassion and fear...
As I walked along a Mt Desert Island shoreline reflecting on these moments, the moods of the ocean mirrored both the calm and wildness of these treasures.
It reminded me of paradoxes and how it can feel when experiencing this phenomenon. Although not extensively, I did ponder for a while, about what does one do when in a paradox. Only the void responded. Despite my love for the unknown, to begin with it wasn't really the answer I was looking for. But as I sat there without clarity, I realized I didn't really know what answer I was looking for. I was in a place of vague inconclusiveness and ambiguity.
I then decided to just allow the emotions I was experiencing to just be what they were, without the need to find meaning. Perhaps eventually clarity would appear at some point, and perhaps it wouldn't. I feel that it's more about feeling the variety of human 'states' for the sake of experiencing and accept that life doesn't always make sense.


Then I remembered the saying about how two wolves live within every human being.

And that these two wolves are in battle. One represents shadow and despair; the other, light and hope. I wonder if this Cherokee saying was interpreted correctly as it ends with, "which wolf wins? The one you feed". 

Although everyone has their own perspective, what sits well in my heart is that there is no battle and there is space inside where shadow and light become one. Both are valid and both have purpose. If I decide to understand both these parts of myself I can reach a place of integration of these two energies rather than try to eliminate one or the other. This to me brings a sense of peace rather than denying who I am; the wounds, the humanness, the deep beauty of life in all its magnificence and challenges. I can be all of this and allow it to be without editing, embracing ambiguity and letting go of the need to 'know'.

The ocean responded with a rumbling swirl upon the rocks below. Thoughts drifted away sailing on the wind beyond the waves.
Written by Laura Naomi © copyright 2019
Picture
Arcadia National Park, Maine
6 Comments
Ariel
11/2/2019 07:18:34 am

Beautiful 💕

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Laura Naomi
11/4/2019 10:27:42 am

Thank you sister <3

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Helen T
11/4/2019 10:09:29 am

Laura, are these emotions what you’ve experienced? Or are they emotions you’ve felt from others or both? I know you’ve spoken a lot about empathy and how people can feel what others feel.
I love how you talk about the real stuff. I feel sort of exposed when I read your blogs but I love how you can put words to deeper feelings that no one wants to talk about.. or maybe not like this anyways lol

Reply
Laura Naomi
11/4/2019 10:27:05 am

Thank you Helen!
It's not always easy to be transparent to the world right? And yes I'm with you, I do my best not to assume either! So thank you for inquiring! Yes, it is both. It was important for me to learn how to differentiate between what is mine and what I am feeling from others. It's something that has evolved over time. I feel this discovery is different for everyone and it has taken a lot of patience and compassion. Love to you Helen! <3

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HELEN T
11/4/2019 12:30:51 pm

Thanks that makes sense. You’re amazing. And congrats on your awesome voice. Keep shining your light! 🌟

Kevin
11/4/2019 12:39:02 pm

I try not to give negativity much energy. I like your idea of understanding both wolves though. I have done a lot of shadow work and although it was painful, I learned a s*t load of stuff about myself.
This saying can be taken maybe a few different ways. Thanks again.

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    Soulful Living Blog
    I love sharing my traveling journeys, be it when setting sail across the ocean or when I am called deep within, traveling spiritual miles. Although these experiences often bring a deep silence to my soul, I also love to share this depth and presence through art, photography, creative writing and music.

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